One Year Ago Today

One year ago today was one of the most devastating days of my life. One year ago - Liz tore her ACL. Looking back on that day, I knew it was bad as soon as it happened.

I remember running down to the field (yes, I ran), and seeing her. When I looked up at all of her teammates, most of them were crying - which makes me think, they knew too.

Today, I feel - well, I don't know how I feel. I have mixed emotions.... I feel like the hard part is over-but that it isn't over. I wonder if it ever will be?

Every time she falls, I watch her- and only her- to make sure she's not limping. During one game, she was limping... and I was so worried about her knee, I could hardly stand it... - but it wasn't her knee... it was this:

Who on earth would be happy about blisters like this?  (Answer - Me.)

 I try to make sure that she is still working to build her strength, but I've slacked off on some things. I'm not quite the ice nazi anymore. I don't even bring it up and neither does she... So there's no icing happening. That's not good. #rehabfail

In January, she was given the go-ahead to quit wearing the brace, except when she's skiing (Water or snow - luckily, we don't do either of those things.)

After shedding the brace, it was like watching a totally different player. And instead of seeing just glimmers of the "old" Liz, you could see shades of the old Tank. Eight weeks later, I can see improvements. In some areas, she's better now than she was prior to the injury.

This new team is no joke. It's definitely required a lifestyle change. Commuting to/from practice has become study hall. The upside - auxiliary lighting in the car while driving doesn't bother me at all anymore. The players on the team have been nice. The parents have been nice. Traveling has been fun and compared to the old team, there has been a lot of it. Liz likes her coach. He seems to be a straight shooter and that works for Liz. Expectations are high.

I have seen some really pretty soccer over the past few months - sometimes when I witness it, I think... Did that just happen? And if Liz was part of that chain reaction, I feel certain that our move to the new team was the right one.

But anyway... Back to the injury... Over the past year, I have noticed so many more ACL injuries. They were probably always there, but now when I hear about them, it makes my stomach hurt because I know how their life is about to change.

Since this time last year, I have known two adults and three teenagers that have sustained the same injury. One girl, on our new team, has torn hers twice in less than a year. I feel so bad for her.

And for her parents. Like I've said before, rehabbing this injury is like a second job. It's so hard-especially when you (me) have anxiety issues.

Anywho...Liz has come a long way and she's still going. She doesn't always love it. But for the most part she does it. Staying strong now is just as important as getting to this point.(Uggh.)

Check out the pictures below... I swear, this is the last calf muscle pictures I will post.

This is one week post op.




This is from the last week in February.

Definite change. Definite progress. 

I wish that this had never happened to her. But it has shown me another side of her to be proud of.  And that's not a bad thing.  

It's Been a Long Road

So this is it….
Tomorrow is the true test. Has Liz’s work paid off?

The girl rehabbed herself into a frenzy (and by my girl, I mean me at times - but the point is, she did it.)

At the beginning, she was all for it. She never complained about workouts or not wanting to go do the exercises. And then she was released. In August, she was allowed to do "soccer-controlled motions." NO CONTACT. I set up a lesson with Coach #4 and she barely made it through the 45 minute session.

A couple weeks and lessons after that, I set her up to go practice with a younger team. She knew what her boundaries were. She knew what she was allowed to do and she knew what she wasn’t. I left the fields for 25 minutes tops, to go find some special school supply she needed the next day. Upon my return, she was scrimmaging.

I started walking out to the fields, to drag her off by her ponytail, but practice was over. She walked over and said, “I kinda hurt my knee. I sort of stepped too hard and it just hurt for a second.”

Me Thinking: “DO NOT PANIC. DO NOT START SCREAMING. Wait until we get in the car.”

But when I got in the car I asked her why she scrimmaged when she knew she shouldn’t have. Her response: “He gave me the opportunity, I wanted to play, so I took it.” Absolutely no remorse.

So, I had no remorse when I told her, that she wouldn’t be going back to practice until she was fully released, so I hoped she missed the elliptical.

She began working out twice a week with Coach #4 and hit the “Y” four times a week until she was fully released by Dr. Elrod. Then we went back with the younger team. She did better at every practice but I still worry about her speed and endurance….and footskills….and….

She is not worried at all. (Or so she says.) She just wants to play. She wants a team again. Evidently, I am not a good workout partner. (Incidently, I don’t work out while she’s there. I hold a timer and count.)

She’s definitely strong enough. I am excited for her return. She is ready to play.

When this first happened, someone told me that the rehab will go by so quickly. I haven’t felt that yet. It’s been a long,tedious, anxiety-driven road. And she, for the most part, was really accepting of it.

But tomorrow is a new beginning. New coach, new team, new uniform. We’ll see how it goes. It’s what she’s been working for. Fingers crossed. Toes crossed.

Unlucky

I was first introduced to the term “unlucky” when my daughter played for Coach #1. The girls were eight years old. The girls would shank a ball, make a ridiculous pass or score on themselves and Coach #1 would yell, “Unlucky! Next time….”

From that point on, I have said “Unlucky!” whether we were really unlucky or if she just weren’t playing well.

Lately, I have come to truly find out the meaning of the term. My family and I have endured some bad, bad luck.

When my kids were very small, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. About a year and a half ago, Sister #4 was diagnosed. She is a data-type girl and wanted to find out if there was a genetic relation to my mother’s cancer. Sister #4 tested positive for BRCA1 gene.

Lots of soul searching ensued and Sisters 1,2,3 and me had to decide whether or not to get tested.

In the meantime, I have had an extra large kidney stones (Hospital stay included). Hubs had a kidney stone. My boy had appendicitis and then Liz with ACL injury.

Sister #4 ended up with some serious treatment for her cancer diagnosis. Another sister ended up with gene. Another sister ended up without the gene and I had decided not to get tested,simply because I did not want to know.

AND ACL recovery is like a second job. I didn’t have the time or the mental capacity to deal with much more than being a Rehab Nazi Mom.

Anyhow, problems ensued and I ended up having the test and testing positive for the gene.

For a while - a long while, I tried to pretend like I didn’t test. I tried to pretend like I was going to live with these issues. I did a lot of research, talked to ALOT of doctors,and finally ended up deciding to have a bilateral masectomy with reconstruction and later I will have another surgery to have some other parts of me removed.

That’s pretty unlucky - wouldn’t you say?

Well, it gets better.

We packed up the boy and dropped him off for Governor’s school for the summer. On his 16th birthday, I drove his car to work so that Hubs could get my tags on my car. On the way to work, I rammed into the back of someone and totaled it.

Nervous breakdown ensued. Seriously, I ran away from home for a weekend. Funny now…. not so funny that weekend.

Finally get that taken care of…. (with the help of some dear friends). Turned around twice and my surgery date was here.

Two Fridays before my surgery, my mom went to the doctor and came home with bad news. The bad news got worse and the Friday I came home from the hospital it was ovarian cancer. Stage 4. My momma is sick. Very sick.

NOW - That is some unlucky BS if I ever heard it.

But I was looking for some pictures of her and I found one of her and my dad on a recent family trip to Florida. I must have stared at that picture for 10 minutes. I looked at every
millimeter of their faces and do you know what I realized…. I AM NOT UNLUCKY AT ALL.

My mom was my mom for forty years and counting. And my dad has been my dad. And he adores her. My family has done exactly what my mother and father have taught us to do in this situation. PONY UP. Help each other however and whenever you can. MAKE WHATEVER NEEDS TO HAPPEN - HAPPEN. They modeled this behavior for as long as I can remember.

My friends have been wonderful to me and have come from near and far to help us. People have been praying for me, my mom and my family that I haven’t seen in years. People have taken care of us. They insist on helping.

I want to thank the doctor at work that privately guided me through my surgery. To my boss and my co-worker that wouldn’t let me back out when I wanted to. To MPIC who was there always and still is. To my sweet girlfriend/sister that came down to spend a weekend with me before my surgery. To my sisters who have taken care of me and taken care of my mom and dad while I can't. To my kids who have lifted anything over five pounds for me in the last two weeks. To my husband that I love with all of my heart. I don’t know what I would do without you (or your humor). I am grateful for all of it…. and very, very lucky.

In other news, Liz is released. And watching soccer will again be in future.

Dear Soccer Gods,

If you could take one thing away from soccer, please make it this time of year – the time that you and your 13-year-old daughter have to make decisions that we don't want to make today or ever. The one decision I would like to procrastinate on-but the one that I want to be made so quickly just to get this sick feeling out of my stomach.

The decisions that change, not within the hour or even minute... Within the moment.

Please take away my memory of all the good times and friends we have made and let us make our decisions based solely on why we do this...

Oh wait, don't do that... Those memories are too good for a person to forget. It is those moments in time, those experiences, those struggles and those successes that have made my daughter the person she is - and despite having her mother as a role model-she is a pretty good person.

Show us something measurable to make my decisions easier.

Oh wait, don't do that, because the easiest thing to measure is our record... And it wasn't that good this season. And that is a memory I would like to forget.

Show me a way to measure the love of a teammate, the love of the game, the feeling of being successful - whether it is with the team or individually.

Turn my bathroom mirror into a foggy crystal ball, so that I can see the future and know that the time and money I have spent so far in this lifetime on soccer teams, soccer training, soccer travel, soccer coaching isn’t going to end with a daughter becoming the ‘star’ of “16 and Pregnant-Season 8” and has instead kept her from that and made her into a stronger, successful woman who can handle the pressures that come with being a mom.

Sincerely,
Me

PS – I would like to apologize to my daughter. For several weeks, I believed that this was all for not. I had a momentary lapse in judgment and stopped believing in your potential. And although, I don’t want to be the mom that wears rose-colored glasses, I owe it to you to wear a pair that are at minimum tinted a very light shade of pink.

I can only hope that even though this past couple of weeks have been rough on you and have tested the lines of friendships that you have been so sure about for years, you will have learned something that will really, truly matter later in life.

You have a rough road ahead of you and I love you just a little more for taking the hard road. (And I appreciate you taking my advice about taking the high road – sometimes that is the hardest road of them all.)

Love you,
Mom

Workin' It

This rehab stuff is like a second job. We have to plan for it and plan around it. Twice a day she spends 30-45 minutes building muscles and working on range of motion.

Her first workout of the day usually starts before she gets out of bed. She usually flips her comforter off of her body and starts her leg lifts - yelling 1,2,1; 1,2,2; 1,2,3. She yells it at me to make sure I know she's doing it (and to make sure I know that she doesn't want to do it right at that time.) By her third exercise, I usually go in and sit with her for a while so that she can zone out on Spongebob while I count/time her reps.

Some mornings I also get accused of counting wrong or starting the timer late. It's always before my first cup of coffee - so every once in a while, it's probably a legitimate gripe.

About two weeks ago, we had a follow-up appointment with her surgeon. It went very well. The x-rays looked great. He watched her walk and looked at her muscle strength. They talked about how stable she her knee felt and he told her she didn't have to wear that gigantic brace anymore.

He said in five or six weeks she could come get fitted for her athletic brace and then she could start running. Liz said, "And playing soccer?" He laughed and said, "No. It will be a few more weeks after that."

She quickly said, "What day?"

He looked at a calendar and somehow, they came to July 31 as the day she would be able to start soccer-controlled movements with a ball.

I don't think either of us are really sure that means, but it is something for her to look forward to.

The next day she started on the elliptical. And even though I have been here every day to see every small tidbit of accomplishment - seeing her on the elliptical was - a proud mom moment.



So now, for her second workout of the day, she alternates between swimming laps or the elliptical.(FYI - Waterproof iPod - awesome purchase)

Everyday she swims longer than she did the day before. Everyday she maintain a higher resistance for a longer period on the elliptical.

According to the doctor, she can probably start practicing in August (or sooner) and by mid-September (give or take a week) full-speed games.

September seems pretty far away... but July 31 is just around the corner!


Calf Muscle - Photo taken May 27,2013
Definitely improved!

Week 2.5

So the doctor’s appointment went really well. They were surprised at her minimal bruising and lack of swelling. Three people told us it was really good sign that she was already at full extension. They took a couple of x-rays, which looked great. And they removed her dressing. The incision sites looked fabulous. They took out the stitches and the rest will dissolve.



He told her that she could start weight bearing and could come off the crutches when she was ready. Evidently, she was ready as we were walking out of the doctors office… But her leg was not. She wobbled a little and almost fell down. (Really Liz??) I cursed and she giggled and said, “Oops, that didn’t happen.”

We went straight to therapy. It’s sort of mixed bag of tricks for her injury. The protocols for ACL are not at all the same as the protocols for the meniscus tear.

She could do most everything the therapist asked, the one thing she couldn’t do was a straight leg raises in supine position. The therapist had to help her. On Saturday, so did I. But by Sunday morning, she could do it 30 times by herself.

On Saturday she went to her soccer game and Coach #4 gave her a clipboard and asked her to keep stats. The girls won! Some of us went to lunch afterwards and there were a lot of laughs. But when we got home the swelling was the worst I had seen it. She admitted to being in pain, so we elevated and iced for the rest of the night and Sunday morning, it was looking good again.

After Sunday’s game, (another win! Cha-Ching), she said that her knee really hurt and again the swelling was bad. We didn’t time the pain medicine well. (Rookie mistake.) And she was so tired. Four weeks ago, she could play a 70-minute soccer game and now, she gets tired after watching one.

I was afraid to send her to school the next day – but I did. She went to therapy that Monday too. She could bend her knee to 60 degrees and her balancing wasn’t great. Her therapist said, "If you don't get that knee to 90 soon, I'M going to have to get it there." EEK.

By Tuesday, she was off crutches! (As long as she wears her brace.)



At Wednesday's therapy session, she was at 78. Much improved!

This past weekend, the team had two state league games. One tie and one loss.
On Saturday, the girls owned that team. They just couldn't get it in the net. The Sunday game was brutal.

Yesterday at therapy, her PT added several new exercises. Liz said it was painful. BUT, she made it to 100 degrees and full extension! So the home exercises are working.


Physically, she's doing great. Mentally, the last couple days have been challenging. She wants to play soccer.

We found another blogger (www.runharperrun.com) that had ACL surgery two days before Liz. I was messaging him today and he said he was "trying to stay focused and positive, this injury is more mental than physical I believe."

Believe that.

And one last update... Calf comparison photo. (Taken today) You don't have to be crazy to see a difference this time.

One Week Down - Many to Go!

Wow!

It’s been a busy few days.

The first night was painful. Painful for her and painful for me to watch.

Saturday
When she woke up on Saturday, the only thing she wanted was that wrap off of her leg. Her foot was swollen and her thigh was swollen. It hurt if anyone touched her leg or her foot.

My sister is an Occupational Therapist, so I called her to come over to help change the dressing. While we were waiting, MyGirl just couldn’t stand it, so I slowly started taking the ACE Bandage off - only to find that there were three bandages wrapped tightly around her leg. We would take one off, wait a minute and then take the other one off.



It was a relief and a nightmare because after we got them all off, we had to put on a compression sleeve. (NIGHT. MARE.)

That whole day she winced before we even touched her. But, when her friends came to visit, she would be able to forget about her knee for a few minutes and enjoy the company.

Sunday
On day 2, my sister came over again to help with the shower. I do not know what people do if they don’t have an Occupational Therapist for a sister. We weren’t allowed to get her leg wet; she couldn’t take off her brace and she couldn’t put any pressure on her foot. My sister brought two things with her that I never realized I needed - a shower chair and a hand-held shower.

Liz stood up and my sister “bagged” her leg in one minute flat – trash bag and papertape. Liz hobbled into the bathroom and sat down on the shower chair and my sister slowly lifted her leg over the tub. Liz couldn’t put her foot directly on the tub floor because the angle was painfully awkward. Right before my eyes, my sister pulled two tupperware containers of different heights out of nowhere and MyGirl had a shower foot rest too!

The shower lasted all of 10 minutes. Liz crutched back to her room, my sis pulled that bag off and helped her get dressed. Not a single drop of water on that brace. AMAZING – especially considering when Liz has two good knees there are no 10-minute showers happening at our house.

She was EXHAUSTED by the time she got back in the bed. We tried to do therapy that day too. It was hard and she just couldn’t do it – and I just couldn’t make her.

Monday
The next day was better and we tried the therapy again. We were able to get through it. I had to help her lift her legs and keep my hand under her knee. If she had said, “Mom, I just can’t do it.” I would have said that she didn’t have to do it - ever again. But she battled through and by the time we did it the second time that day, she did much better.

Tuesday
Therapy was much easier. She could lift her bad leg by herself and no one had to put their hand under her knee. My sister came over to give her another shower. The prep time was shorter but the shower lasted a bit longer. She was able to get dressed by herself too – it took ten long minutes, but she did it.

Tuesday night, Hubs woke up to find that she decided to unplug herself from her polar pack, lift her bad leg out of bed with her good leg, somehow snag her crutches and go to the bathroom by herself. WTHeck??? (When I found out, I almost flipped but at the same time I was relieved because I knew she had to be feeling better!)

Now, she’s doing pretty well – considering she hasn’t left her bedroom for six days. Tomorrow, physician follow-up appointment, stitches out and maybe, no crutches. At this point she has not been able to bear any weight through her leg, but tomorrow, he supposed to take her off of her crutches. We will see!

Can you believe we are only one week from being able to ride a stationary bike and 9 weeks from running?

Meanwhile, the team came in second place in the Bash in the Boro and has two state league games this weekend. Liz should be able to be there to cheer them on!